By Benneth Joshua Kingsley
18+…. Reader’s Secretion Advised
The screaming police officer brought the couple back to reality.
Feverishly Nikita adjusted her skirt to hide her swollen vag**na ashamed that the intruder had seen her nakedness.
However Obodo stared at the officer with disdain, angry at the unwanted guest.
Cautiously and with calculated gestures, Obodo returned his receding erection behind his zipline, while at the same time, opening the door to confront the visibly angry police officer.
Obodo: Yes officer. How may I help you?
Police Officer: Kai-kai-kai-kai! Are you stufid? What kind question b zat? Ooooo. You no see what your kwokwo do?
Obodo: (Calm and feigning annoyance) What do you mean?
Police Officer: Is it not your bura that foured akamu?
Obodo: Bia officer. You’re getting me angry. Who gave you the right to peep at my wife and I?
Police Officer: Walahi ubanka zen chi. Are you suffosed to be doing what you’re doing in fublic; don’t you know zat it is against za law?
Obodo: What law? Tell me you illiterate police officer. What law? The law of the land or the one created by your father? (Obodo stammered).
Embarrassed at the hot exchange by the men, Nikita stepped out of the car and whispered into her man’s ear.
Obodo dipped his hand into the side pocket of his faded Jean trouser.
Excited at the prospect of been bribed, the police officer pretended to wipe his face of Obodo sperm.
Just then Obodo stretched a lower clinched fist at the officer. The relieved police responded and in return collected Obodo’s outstretched fist in a fake handshake.
He immediately sent the crunched note into his pocket, walking away and leaving the couple to their fate.
Obodo: (Pretending to be serious) Common woman. You’re 33 and a single mother. Your husband is late. What prevents you from stopping these ladies coming here to assault your ear drums with fake sex sounds?
Rita: What do you mean?
Obodo: Look! Compare these ladies to yourself. You’re way more beautiful, more elegant, more mature and even better than them.
Yes you were married but not divorced or separated from your husband. Unfortunately he is dead. Think of it, your eldest child, Chijioke, lives with your brother in Onitsha, and Natasha, your youngest child is five year old.
I mean (Obodo continued) What’re you doing to yourself staying all along? You’ve reduced yourself to the image of an Egyptian pyramid.
You go from home to church, to your business and then back home. Are you sure that you’re alright, abi your central processing unit don collapse?
(Rita gave him a hard stare not surprised at his remarks. She has gotten used to them after these years living as next door neighbour to him).
Obodo: You see, I’m ready to let go these ladies that have turned my apartment into a kind of Mecca if you’ll consider my proposition for a date.
Rita: (She heaved a sigh) Obodo! Hmmmmmmm. Anyway, I guess I have passed across my message. Please do well to tune down your moaning machine
Obodo: I’ll try. Only that this particular machine is designed to moan according to the rhythm of thrust.
Rita: (Feigning displeasure) Keep thrusting. Just consider Natasha’s health while at it. She’s beginning to have nightmares from the sound produced by your unregulated moaning machine
She threw both hands into the air in resignation
Rita: Bad thinking, bad product (she shook her head in lamentation)
Obodo: (Laughingly trailed her with words) Don’t worry. I’ll look into the matter. Let me consult the manufacturer’s manual.
And they went their separate ways…
To be continued…